Expert PHP (Laravel) Developer + Bootstrap

I’m looking for an independent developer (not agency) who speaks fluent, unbroken English, and has experience with MVC PHP at scale (thousands of simultaneous users minimum). Please don’t apply if you have never worked with memcached or manually built caching layers for high-performance. (plugins do not count)

I’d like a developer who also has experience with responsive design (front-end), especially Bootstrap and building mobile-first sites. Not necessarily design itself, just implementation. JQuery experience is also required.

Last time I made a posting here I was flooded with WordPress script kiddies and I had a hard time sorting out the good from the noise, so this go-round I’m going to be more specific. This is a long term, good, flexible job, but I need the right person for it. To apply, please do not send some generic letter with a flood of portfolio sites, or you’ll be disqualified. Instead please send me a GitHub link to some code you wrote from scratch, by yourself (not a team), that connects to any 3rd party API. Also send me your LinkedIn profile, and a brief description of why you think our generation will or will not live forever (be creative). Finally, if you were to improve Pokemon Go from a technical perspective, what upgrades would you make?

Anyone who doesn’t follow these instructions perfectly will be immediately disqualified, as this is an awesome job opportunity.